the [Queen] of wishful thinking.

2 weekends ago, I was sooo happy to go home to California. and then by the time I was leaving, I was so unhappy with my family and disappointed with some of my friends that other than Jules and Nick’s amazing wedding, I was like WHY EVEN BOTHER? and then after a day back in Tempe, I started really missing Pleasanton again.

last weekend in Oregon was, without a doubt, one of the most awesome weekends ever. so much amazingness. I’ll probably post more later, but I haven’t because as the point of this whole post is… since coming home, I’ve been sad sad sad as fuck. it’s sucked to leave Portland and see such an amazing weekend end. it’s sucked that my bike lock got stuck and my bike is now locked to a fence and is currently un-rideable. it’s sucked being back at school and not giving enough of a shit to go to my classes all week (except one). it’s sucked and hurt a lot that my sister’s a rat bitch and won’t be visiting me anymore but will be coming to my area anyway. and it’s sucked feeling like I suddenly have absolutely nothing to look forward to. I’ve been this fat ball of depression. other than going to work for a total of about 5 hours, grocery shopping/errands for about 2 hours yesterday, and that one sports management class on monday night, I have not done shit other than sleep, eat, and watch tv shows. I haven’t really called or texted anyone back. I’ve just stayed in my ridiculously messy room, hiding out from the world.

tonight after getting home from work and eating dinner, I stumbled upon the classes for spring 2012. I’ve since spent hours putting together a schedule with everything I want (Harry Potter & American Culture and a science requirement filled by Biology Behind the Crime Scene) and everything I decided needed to be taken this semester (Special Events Management, Inclusive Community Development, Tourism Marketing) plus one more to max it out (Sustainable Tourism). I’m feeling pretty good about this schedule, the professors, and all the work availability room it leaves. I’m also hoping these classes will be quite a bit less bland than most of the ones I’m taking now. we’ll see I guess. 

so this morning, I’m sitting around watching last night’s episode of the event when josh and melissa come home from school. they informed me that the las po spring class schedules were up online. so since then I’ve been obsessing with that as well as USF’s. (yes, I am totally lame and picking classes excites me that much.)

so the majority of las po probably has no idea that new class times are listed and I already have a nerdy schedule drawn up. that said, my schedule kind of sucks. I’m going to have a class as early as 9:30, which I managed to avoid this semester. I’m also going to have to have a class on friday, which I’ve managed to avoid since spring 2008 when I took a friday morning geography lab. but on the bright side, I only have classes three nights a week as opposed to the four I have this semester. and I have absolutely nothing after work on monday nights and absolutely nothing on tuesday and thursday mornings. so I’m taking stat, another accounting class, and retaking microeconomics (again) to finish up my lower level business classes. I’m also taking a psychology of human sexuality class to fulfill the health requirement for my AA, which I’m pretty excited about. and I’m taking philosophy class based around ethics that will go towards USF’s GE requirements. and according to ratemyprofessor.com, my stat and philosophy teachers are hot, so that’s always a plus.

we had another PBL business club meeting on monday. I am in love with this club. it’s like reliving DECA and/or leadership senior year. in two weeks, we are going on a field trip to the city to tour the federal reserve and this company called nCircle. later that week, we will be involved in the school’s fall festival. and then next month, we have our big conference at UC Berkeley. our next meeting won’t be until after that, but we’ll be electing a new vice-president because the old one dropped out. I’m thinking of throwing my hat in the ring for that because it certainly wouldn’t hurt.

so, yes. I’m a total freak. but oh well. I’m happy. I have 3 main priorities right now (school, gym/diet, and business club) and not one of them has a CACK. plus two more days and then I get to get out of pleasanton for the weekend. I am officially stoked.

probably going to pull an all nighter tonight. I don’t know why this feels so difficult. I did them once or twice a week during spring semester to scrape through. maybe because it’s no longer a habit, and it’s not really something I have to do anymore since I don’t have any early morning classes.

either way, I am dreading writing this damn essay. I’m already starting to lose that motivation I had when I enjoyed all my classes and they all seemed shiny and new. but really, after this essay is done, I’ll get back on track. I may skip math after work tomorrow night because I’m sure I’ll be exhausted. but then I’ll only have two classes left for the week. (thank god for a staff flex day thursday which means all day classes will be canceled.) I’ll use that extra time to catch up on calculus, get ahead on everything else, and clean before my birthday party on friday. 

but really, I can’t stand school at the moment. we have this flex day on thursday and really that just means I don’t have to go to english, but I appreciate it sooo much anyway. the next holiday is veterans day and las po is observing it on a friday. freakin brilliant, because I’m definitely too smart to schedule friday classes when I don’t have to at this point in my life. so really there’s no break until thanksgiving which is about two months away. and then another three weeks until finals. 

I will be getting all my finals done early before everyone else, packing for hawaii, and then leaving the day after my family and meeting them there. I cannot fucking wait. the thought of laying out lazily on a beach, knowing I have no school to worry about for at least a month and that christmas is only a few days a way is just too wonderful. we’re going to kauai, which is an island I’ve never actually been to. I’m definitely excited. getting out of pleasanton will be nice as always, and it just seems like the most perfect thing to do immediately after a long semester and will probably be a nice break from bath & body works during the holidays. especially knowing that when i get back on the 23rd, i will most likely be immediately back to work the following morning on christmas eve. 

sigh. time to stop day dreaming about how great life will be once all this shit is done and actually get to work on getting it done.

a week and a half into school and I’m happy to go every day and don’t mind doing my homework. calculus is a killer, but I don’t hate it or anything. I just need to work hard and keep up on it and am fully aware that I am probably going to struggle with that.

I talked to 2 out of 3 of my teachers (two of my five classes are online) and things are looking good as far as taking my finals early goes. hawaiiiiiii, here I come! ;)

so since I didn’t have work last week, the ex came over before accounting on wednesday afternoon and I had just showered and was all ready for school and he did this thing he’d never done before. he was just like “you look really beautiful right now”. and I believed him because I did look pretty good, I won’t lie. and I was wearing this new dress I love.  but he’d never said anything like that the way he did and I totally got butterflies in my stomach and just said thank you.

friday was pretty awesome. I went to sushi for lunch with my loves, Alicia and Reba, and our boss, Henry, and that was pretty fun. and then after Reba and I were arranging and setting up stuff for our after school rec site. then I picked up Daya from school, took her to get some yummy Blush, and then watched her until her mom got home from work. super easy 30 bucks. then I went over to my parents for dinner and hung out for awhile.

I came home and when I got out of the shower, Justin was over which is always a very interesting and welcome surprise. so I got dressed and then he was going through my giant ass box and bags of cds (which were in Jillian’s room because she was going through them and putting them on her computer) and then they went out to smoke hookah with Josh and Melissa and I just worked on my mass amounts of calc homework. Justin came in and was talking to me and told me he thought my hair looked really good and asked if I was just going to sit and do homework and stuff. then we all ended up going over to Justin and Mike’s to play taboo.

and then we walked to 711 which was pretty fricken awesome because I ninja hopped over this fence and got this patio furniture these people who had moved out and left for the boys. and also because when we got to 711, it was 1:58 so hilarity ensued as we saw people trying to buy alcohol as fast as they could and getting the cops called on them when they wouldn’t leave. and then after that, the four of us just sat around their table chatting and during the smoke breaks, Justin and I just stayed in and talked instead of going out with all our smoker friends like normal. the whole night was… interesting. he has my number now, so he can actually call me, as opposed to hanging out with everyone. so I’m interested to see if anything interesting will come of that, or what.

and I have the misfortune of working at the store all afternoon so I should probably start getting ready. you know, getting dressed, doing my makeup, eating lunch, preparing to be miserable, etc.

I am sooo sad to see summer go. this has been, hands down, the best summer since the summer after I graduated high school. maybe even better all around, because I remember the end of that summer being kind of a bummer and this one was awesome all around and ended on a good note too.

that said, being back in school isn’t bad. although it’s only been two days. wednesday was the first day of school. I spent a few hours at the salon, getting my hair done, came home and got all my econ stuff for the week out of the way, went to my favorite drive thru starbucks, and then my first class of the semester. accounting was pretty cool. it might even end up being interesting. I really like my teacher and I was pleasantly surprised to find that I had two friends from classes last year, christina and ryan.

this morning (or afternoon really, I suppose) I had to try and add this english class I really wanted to get into. the teacher, marty, seemed like a really cool guy and christina was in that class too and I bought the books and was actually excited to read them… and then we found out he was only going to accept two adds and there were at least twenty of us crashing. but guess who was one of the two people who got into the class?!? ME!!! guess it pays to have been going to las po FOREVER lol. that class ended up being pretty cool, although halfway through I remembered something I forgot to do for work so then it was just like OHHH SHIT and then I was pretty squirmy after that haha.

I worked at registration at the elementary school again today which was pretty cool. it was soooo slow. I read three and a half chapters of harry potter and the goblet of fire, talked to some old parents, met some new parents, knocked over a sign and caused a commotion in the excitement of seeing this girl I babysit for the first time in months, and I saw another of my favorite kids who actually graduated last year but was there to register her little brother and sister and her gorgeous uncle (who I’m completely in love with) smiled at me and I fucking MELTED.

after work, I went back to school for my calculus class which I am happy to say I really like the teacher, he seems totally cool. I also am quite happy I have a few friends in that class, a nice little chunk of my spring business law class hahah. however, I’m quite sure this class will be tough, given what was supposed to be considered review from the MATH55 class I took three years ago. oh well. I’m totally down to work hard and spend plenty of time in the ILC or whatever the fuck they’re calling it these days.

I got taco bell after class tonight so it was pretty much necessary that I go for a run. I really want to run at least twice a week and make a regular habit of going to the gym in the morning at least five days a week. people my age use the whole “you can sleep when you’re dead” philosophy all the time and I can use it when it comes to partying despite being exhausted, but I need to apply it to getting my ass out of bed and into the gym in the morning lol.

I am currently in the midst of the most enjoyable crush I’ve had in who knows how long. there may be certain things about him that my parents wouldn’t be crazy about, but he treats me well (sooooo much better than the guy I’ve been hung up on forever), he makes me feel good about myself (as opposed to making me feel like shit like the other guy), and he never drinks and he doesn’t smoke or do any drugs. plus we have this pretty awesome back-and-forth going on. oh, and we both share a love of ari gold which is totally awesome and enjoyable. and that’s just like the reasons to justify why this situation is 1000x better. that’s totally not even why I like him.

aaaand I figured out all my school stuff and I think I’m just going to stay at las po the whole year next year and transfer the following fall instead of next spring. I mean, it sucks I’ll have to say I was at las po until 2011. but who cares? why pay private school fees to take math, accounting, and econ classes I could take at a community college? fuck the people who would make me feel bad about that. stuck up pleasanton PTA moms can kiss my sass. anyway, 6 weeks of summer will surely suck since I’m trying to take econ, geography, and speech. but if I get those, I at least won’t have to wake up for any of them. and then I’m looking forward to only having 4 classes in the fall with calculus, accounting, health, and philosophy.

this was my day yesterday:

• went to business ethics class, got 100% on my debate.
• went to business law class, talked more to my school crush whom i like to call “airbrush pat”.
• came home and got caught up on vampire diaries.
• went to work, no sub ever showed up so i ended up in charge of 24 kids by myself, but it was a pretty good day. i was in a great mood after.
• waited after rec got out with a few kids whose parents hadn’t come yet, my sister called while we were playing quackdoodle oso  (sp?) and i answered the phone “yo whassup p” and the kids started screaming and yelling because i called her p and she hung up on me hahaha.
• picked up some pizzas with my sister and had dinner at my parents’ house.
• found out that the guy i like never said last weekend was a one night stand, my roommate just said that to me last night because that’s her opinion not anything he told her. she also said “i told both of you i wasn’t going to talk about this” which quite possibly might imply that he brought me up in conversation. this was followed by a giddy dance around my parents’ kitchen.
• came home, showered, took a quiz for my business law class, watched the new VD, and went to bed early.
• jillian called me and asked if i wanted to watch some entourage with her. i said YES. melissa and josh were watching tv so i sat around with jillian for a bit in her room instead.
• justin called. me and jill headed over there, i brought him entourage season 1 as promised. went for a drive, watched some entourage, got nice and cozy on the couch, got home at 5 am. oh, and justin said he would see about fixing the broken part of our blender today! YES.

i have 3 more weeks of being exhausted until the semester is over, but my life is full of pleasant surprises. what was the very first thing i did when i woke up this morning? called my mom to discuss last night’s VD with her.

i honestly just need fucking spring break so bad. maybe i’m just about to flip my shit because this weekend was so retarded and drama-filled and i actually worked a decent amount and whatnot. i got no homework done and i really didn’t relax either. but whatever reason, i cannot make myself give a crap about school right now. i just want to sleep and do pretty much nothing and fool around. 

i feel like i won’t sit still but i don’t really have a choice. or like when i’m a passenger or in the backseat of someone’s car, and suddenly my seatbelt (which has never bothered me when i was driving) feels extremely uncomfortable and i don’t want to wear it.

i’m just not in the mind for school. i don’t want to go, i don’t want to do homework, i don’t want any of it. just spring break like everyone else is getting right now.