the [Queen] of wishful thinking.

When writing or stating a fairly lengthy apology or extension of peace, never apologize for a bunch of mean things you said to your friends that they “probably heard”. They may not even know what you said, but you’ve just given them a brand new reason to hate you.

I can’t fucking stand my guy roommate. he’s 27 and he’s a fucking bum who passes out on the couch until midday and never ever turns off lights and jacks up MY electricity bill. he’s a lazy ass fuck who never does shit and apparently thinks he deserves more than $20 to do a job which contributes nothing of value to society so he quit that and literally does nothing. his fucking weird psycho mom comes over and does his laundry and dishes for him (which he lets build up during the week despite the 24 hour dish rule) and she brings his 4 year old niece over while my girls are over and we’re getting shitfaced. he steals my parking spot during MY week with it and then he acts like a PMSing bitch and he says “you don’t need to act like that” when all I said is “hey I’d appreciate it if my parking spot were open when I got home tonight”. personally, I thought that was very nice sounding as opposed to a simple “my parking spot better be fucking open when I get home tonight” which was what I wanted to say. AND I thought texting you was more polite than calling you out in front of that pathetically naive 15 year old looking girl you had over and are apparently trying to fuck while probably still stringing along your (way better than you) ex.

FUCK OFF. if you don’t grow the fuck up and start turning off lights and doing dishes and respecting house rules, I will make you homeless because I am the only one on this lease and I have the power to kick your bitch ass the fuck out. so you better start sucking my metaphorical dick because I am the one running this show. and hey maybe you think me venting to my girls and talking about you behind your back is immature, but everyone talks shit, especially if they have a vagina and are 21. and being a 27 year old loser who can’t handle doing dishes or laundry without mommy’s help is just slightly more pathetic.

life is great right now. I mean, I’ve been fairly stressed and it’s showing in my grades, but I’m feeling deeply optimistic. my (now former) roommates (who I know I’ve bitched and complained about on here on more than one occasion) are gone and my new roommates are seeming like a serious improvement. living with intelligent, motivated, considerate, and actually cool people will be a very positive change. I feel like I have this fresh start and I like it a lot. I even feel like I’m over the (even more often mentioned) ex. so here’s to a life without bitches and bullshit.

that said, now that I have this delightful clean slate to start from, there’s something I’d like to do. I’ve written out new years resolutions every year since the dawn of time and this year I was so busy with the combination of my mono misery and trying to write a decent admissions essay for USF, I blew it off. I know it’s now the first of march and the year is already 1/6th of the way done, but the way I’m feeling, it’s seems like the perfect time to finally write those 2011 new years resolutions. I feel like I’ve found a bit of clarity so far this year and there’s a lot I want to pursue to really better myself and be as happy as I can be.

11. be neater. pretty self-explanatory. I want to make sure I’m as considerate as possible of my roommates and this apartment that I share.

10. cook lots, with friends and out of my cookbook. I just want to have fun with it and learn how to make new things.

9. be more careful with my finances. pay off any money I owe, save some money, budget myself better.

8. read more. I love to read but I get so caught up with school that I stop reading for my own enjoyment. my sadness over Borders closing has drawn my attention back to my love for books and I don’t want to forget that anytime soon.

7. re-establish a regular workout and healthy eating routine. I have so many great plans for this year. I want to be as confident and healthy as possible so I can enjoy them to their fullest.

6. go out, party, spend time with friends. have lots of fun. I’ve been realizing lately that I can do something most nights and still work hard in school.

5. be involved. I have really grown to love everything about the business club at school… the friends I’ve made, the opportunities it has presented me, the activities we’ve done. I will definitely stay involved the rest of this last semester and when I transfer in the fall, I want to get even more involved at my new school.

4. work more. this sort of goes with the whole fixing my finances thing… I definitely want to pick up more hours where I can at both the city and the store and look into other summer work as well.

3. go to church every other week, if not once a week. I feel good after I go and maybe I can learn something or find some answers I’m looking for. 

2. don’t get angry when there’s nothing I can do about it. let things go and feel at peace. as they say in that AA prayer, “grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change”. 

1. be happy, be positive, live every day to the fullest. 

so here I am getting home from work at 1:30 after working since 6:00 and I call my roommate to see if these boys she said were coming over would still be here so I can find out if I should be prepared to slip into a skirt and down some shots or what.

first of all, she acts all shocked that I’m just getting off, which yeah, it is pretty late, but then she’s like “I thought you were scheduled until 11:30.” and it’s like yeah, I was and I told you I wouldn’t actually get off until much later once we actually finished everything. I know you heard me because you said you should just say you can’t stay that late because you have things to do” and I gawked at you like what planet do you live on? one without responsibilities where you don’t actually have to do any work? oh wait, i forgot you pretty much do. every time i come into your job you’re sitting around drawing or you might call me and ask me to bring a book in for you to read because you’re bored there. and you’re a manager. but anyway, the point: why do you act surprised when by something I already told you earlier? honestly. don’t be stupid.

second, she says no one came over and that they just ended up going over to the guys house instead. “oh, and my car’s in the parking spot by the way. I just wanted you to know so when you came home and couldn’t find parking.” (her car just got fixed after not working and sitting permanently parked in the closest street parking for over a month) and it’s like oh, really? you wanted to make sure I knew. which is why I’m finding out from me calling you. two hours after you apparently thought I would be getting off. right.

so here I am driving around and around my neighborhood at 1:30 in the morning. no fucking parking. I’m getting pretty livid. because who the fuck cares if you’ve just got your car back after not having it? no one should have to work 7 hours, get off at 1:30 and attempt to backwards parallel park way down the street in the creepy ghetto ass area and walk home by themselves. jesus christ.

so yeah, I’m irritated. and then I walk in the door. no one’s home. perhaps for the best… because I would surely make some bitchy snotty remark. but then it dawns on me, if you’re at that guy’s house still and you didn’t even take your car, how fucking early did you come home and decide that you should be able to claim the spot knowing I would be off work late and you were going to be taking someone else’s car to wherever you were going? how much street parking was there at that hour? i bet a hell of a lot more than when I got home.

honestly, it fucking pisses me off. no regard. you spent all day sitting around playing dress up and straightening your hair, going out shopping with jillian, and then claiming the spot, leaving in jillian’s car, and going out. here i am, the only hardworking person in this apartment, coming home late after being a retail slave all night, and i get to walk home from a really creepy area where even my pepper spray doesn’t make me feel safe. brilliant.

and don’t act like you deserve the spot immediately because you haven’t used it in a month. not having the parking spot is absolutely not a hardship when you don’t have a car and have to deal with finding parking elsewhere. hell, your parents bought you a cute red bike and you never used it, choosing instead to bum rides off people and use up their gas money; obviously you’re entitled to automatically get the parking spot now that you suddenly have a car.