the [Queen] of wishful thinking.

so I literally just had to email my parents (who like all of my friends and the rest of my family, who I miss so much right now, are over 700 miles away) tonight to tell them my phone was stolen because that is now the only way I have to communicate with them. fucking email. not trying to be pathetically shallow and addicted to technology, but I feel like this last two year contract has been the longest I’ve ever had with a piece of shit phone. I have been waiting so so so patiently for that contract to expire and to be eligible for an upgrade. I finally got it ONE WEEK AGO and I was loving my iphone soooo much, I was so careful with it and my dad had just bought and sent me the most hardcore protective case available. and now it’s fucking gone in the possession of some soulless piece of shit lowlife. and I have used my upgrade I waited 2 painfully long years for, probably don’t have insurance yet, and a new iphone without a contract is $650… which is more than I made in a month when I actually had a job, which I no longer do since I just moved here a week and a half ago. I’ve never actually stolen anything in my life, other than a candy bar from Long’s when I was little which I proudly showed my mom after we got out of the store, causing her to promptly march my butt back in and make me give it back. and I’ve known people who have stolen from stores and it’s not something I have done or would do, but it doesn’t seem that awful either. I mean, stores are like “The Man” and they’re not going to miss random small items like that too much. it really won’t hurt them. but to me, stealing from another individual is so much worse. they’re not some huge fucking company that won’t miss that thing you stole from them. I have now had my wallet, driver’s license, debit/credit cards, brand new digital camera, and brand new iphone stolen from me. and I just want to say to the pathetic fucking losers who stole them, I FUCKING HATE YOU AND I HOPE YOU GET YOURS, YOU PIECES OF SHIT. seriously, fucking die. what iphones should really have is something that pops up on the screen and gives the person whose possession the phone is now in 10 seconds to call the owner and make it right and make plans to return their phone before self-destructing. just pops up “You have 10 seconds to do THE RIGHT THING” and it’s all ready for you to call the person’s home phone or whatever the designated number is. “10… 9… 8… 7… 6… 5… 4… 3… 2… 1… BOOM… SPLAT”. you’re fucking blown up. whatevs. you’re a worthless lowlife whose soul is full of shit anyway. that would make me really happy. literally don’t even care if that sounds like an overreaction or a punishment that does not fit the crime. I find a phone or a wallet and I turn it in because I’m a good person and that’s what I would want someone to do for me. I’m at work or just trying to have fun and someone reaches into my purse and steals my shit. I’m fucking sick to death of this happening and people getting away with it. alternate scenario: verizon won’t allow the phone to be registered under another number becuase it’s reported stolen. it is now useless to the pathetic thief. arrange to meet up with them promising a reward. meet up with them, get phone, don’t give them reward. instead arrest them “for being a piece of shit”. and maybe try out my pepper spray on them and the miss congeniality nose break move I’ve always wanted to do while I’m at it.